Follow the Cues of the Host at Meals in China

If one receives a dinner invitation in China, it’s important to know that the person who organizes the meal usually orders for the group. The rule of thumb is to order one dish per person. However, all dishes are shared.
Food at restaurants in China is often presented “Lazy Susan style” on a round, rotating platter in the center of the table. Usually, the server will bring out one or two dishes at a time.
Etiquette dictates that as the Lazy Susan spins around, diners choose only what they can immediately consume. and not pile food on their plates. The senior person in the group usually begins and the rest of the group should follow.

A gentleman caller bearing gifts

In China, if you want to get into the kitchen you must go through the mother first. And you most certainly can’t get through with a box of chocolate or a bouquet of flowers. A bag of fruit is the best way to go. But he didn’t know this yet. Anyway, our gentleman met the family, had dinner and the chocolates were politely appreciated by the host.

Jumping forward to real time, the two are now wed and living in Western society. On the first Valentine’s Day, the husband swooned his bride with chocolate and flowers. But this time, the sweets were purchased from a New York chocolatier. Imported of course, from Europe. His wife was delighted. Flowers with a little card and a box of 30 chocolate sweets, how sweet. She felt like a queen albeit in a foreign land.

By this time, she had grown accustomed to chocolate, it was almost a habit. Displayed in the box, they looked so good. She quickly popped one delicately into her mouth. It reminded her of the first time in China. She placed them on the kitchen counter, just looking at them, made her happy. She picked another one, then another. No doubt, every time she walked by the counter she popped one into her mouth. All day long between this errand and that, she nibbled on the sweets.

As the day drew on, strange sensations began invading her body. A moment of giddiness would be followed by a spell of no energy. She would go from walking on a cloud to staggering and stumbling. She later said that her brain and eyes felt very strange. Everything was foggy, not clear. She thought she was dreaming. She felt sick.

When the husband came home, he saw immediately from her condition that something was amiss. After comforting her for a few moments, he told her that she looked drunk.

“How can I be drunk, I don’t drink?”

“Didn’t you know they were liquor chocolates?”

“Liquor?”

They say a little bit of alcohol and a small piece of chocolate is good for you. And a little heads-up common sense from the bearers of gifts wouldn’t hurt. But, you can’t get dizzy from a basket of fruit unless you have to climb the tree and pick it.

The copyright of the article Eating Chocolate in China in China Travel is owned by Peter Luca. Permission to republish Eating Chocolate in China in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.

If you're invited to a meal in China, the host will have already ordered. Learn other ordering etiquette tips from an international business consultant in this free etiquette video.

http://www.expertvillage.com/video/119287_chinese-dining-etiquette-ordering-meals.htm 

Banquets:

    * Timing is Everything: Guests should arrive on time. Punctuality is a virtue in China. Banquets and business meetings are scheduled to start and finish on time, and the Western concept of "fashionably late" is not understood. If an event is scheduled to begin at 6:00 pm, for example, then arrive a few minutes early or at 6:00 pm sharp. To arrive later would be considered rude. Just as they start on time, banquets also end on time. If a banquet is scheduled to end at 8:30 pm, the host should stand up and close the event at 8:30 pm sharp. It is considered rude to stay late or keep others at the banquet or meeting past the designated ending time.
    * Structure: Chinese banquets typically last two hours. As guests arrive, they proceed through a receiving line in order of highest- to lowest-ranking hosts. Guests are then seated. Banquets in China have definitive beginnings and endings. The principal host offers a welcoming toast to begin the banquet (or shortly thereafter), and it is customary for the principal guest to reciprocate with his/her own toast. Upon toasting, the formal meal begins. At the conclusion of the banquet, the host will again stand and toast, thanking the guests for attending. Again, it is customary for the principal guest to reciprocate in thanks to the hosts.
    * Seating: Seating is typically arranged ahead of time through staff-to-staff contacts, according to rank. The principal guest is seated to the right of the principal host at the head table. Other guests are seated at other tables in a manner mirroring seating at the head table. Guests should notify the Chinese host in advance of the rank of visiting members of the delegation. If hosting an event, be sure to seat people of high rank with others of high rank, doing otherwise may be considered offensive.
    * Toasting: Toasting is an indispensable component of the Chinese banquet and it begins when the principal host offers a welcoming toast. Toasts are typically short (2 to 4 minutes) and may consist of a simple welcome, a brief statement filled with platitudes, or a substantive comment on the visit. Chinese rarely hold their glass at shoulder length when toasting, it is considered respectful to try and toast your glass lower than other's glasses.
    * Alcohol Cautions: Several types of liquor are traditionally served at Chinese banquets (beer, wine, and baijiu (a potent liquor, of which the most famous brand is Maotai). Glasses are kept full during the meal to allow for toasting. Beer and wine may be sipped, but baijiu is traditionally downed at once like a western "shot" in toasts with the Chinese guests. The Chinese toast "gan bei" literally means "dry glass." However, the tradition of emptying one's glass at each toast is being tempered in major cities like Beijing and Shanghai where Western business etiquette has been more widely accepted. Increasingly, wine (frequently mixed with soda) is becoming the primary toasting drink in major cities. If you find yourself in a situation where baijiu is served, it is acceptable to drink less than the whole glass by saying "ban bei" (half a shot) or "sui yi" (as you wish). It is also possible to beg out of drinking alcohol entirely by saying that you have an allergy or simply explaining that you do not drink. It also is acceptable to toast with a clear carbonated drink like 7-Up or Sprite; just let the waiter know quietly that this is what you would like to do. If you are being hosted at a dinner (not a banquet) you often will be asked to choose what you would like to drink. Western drinks and social habits are becoming the norm in many ways, and are accepted in most urban areas, however, it is advisable to handle such situations by stating your preferences as food and drink are ordered.
    * Chinese Place Settings: The place setting typically includes a rice or soup bowl, small plate for main courses, a small dish for condiments/sauces, a dessert dish, a porcelain spoon, a pair of chopsticks, and chopstick rest. Forks and knives are becoming common place settings, and can be used without causing offense or losing face. Glasses include a mid-sized glass for water, juice, soda, or beer; a smaller wineglass; and an even smaller glass for hard liquor. There should be a serving spoon or serving chopsticks for each dish. Cold dishes are usually placed on the small plate. At a banquet, rice is usually served at the end, before dessert, and is not an accompaniment to the other dishes. When not using chopsticks, return them to the rest.
    * Using Chopsticks: Chinese appreciate foreigners' efforts to eat with chopsticks. If using chopsticks proves impossible and no forks are available, you can use the porcelain spoon.
    * Eating: Formal banquets often include a dozen or more dishes. While declining to taste a dish is not considered a cardinal offense, it is polite to try each dish that is served. This means it is important to pace yourself. Leaving a little on your plate signals your Chinese host that you are full. This is also a good strategy to avoid receiving another serving of a dish you do not like. An empty plate is a cue to your Chinese host that you are still hungry, and it will likely continue to be filled until you leave something on it. According to Chinese custom it is the role of the host to serve food to their guests, so do not be surprised if the host places food on your plate. If you are feeling very polite and have good chopstick control, you may reciprocate and attempt to serve the host, but it is not necessary. If you are hosting a dinner or banquet it is polite to make a gesture of serving guests on either side and then state clearly that everyone should please help himself/herself, adding "we are all friends and should be informal."

Other Tips:

• Last Name First: In China, the family name (surname) appears first, and the first name (given name), last. So for Jiang Zemin, Jiang is the family name, Zemin is the given name. For a Chinese businessperson or official who frequently interacts with foreigners, names may be spoken/written in the Western format. If you are uncertain as to which is which, it never hurts to ask for clarification.
• Meet, Greet, or Address: Refer to a Chinese associate as Mr./Ms. (surname), or (title) and (surname). Using titles is a sign of respect and is done frequently in China. For example, it is preferable to address someone as Section Chief Zhang instead of Mr. Zhang. As in the United States, always address a person by the higher rank indicated in their title. For example, if you are meeting a vice governor or vice director, refer to them as Governor so and so or Director so and so, respectively, unless their superior (i.e. the governor or director) is present. Unless you are longtime friends, avoid calling Chinese by their first names. You may however call a Chinese you know well by his or her complete name. Chinese family names are usually listed first on their name cards and are almost always one syllable.

• Exchanging Business Cards:
  Use both hands to both present and receive name cards. In presenting, grasp the card by the corners, and present the card so that it your name is facing your Chinese counterpart. Do not toss the card onto a table. Similarly, receive your Chinese counterpart's card with both hands. If it is a bilingual card, present the side printed in the native language of the recipient.

  Read the card: When you exchange cards, read over the card. It is viewed as impolite to tuck away the card immediately without spending at least 10-20 seconds reviewing it.

  Display the card: It is polite to lay the cards out on the table next to you. Placing cards in order also helps greatly in remembering people's names.

• Expect Close Quarters but No Touching: Chinese are comfortable with a closer social space than is characteristic of Western cultures, and may get a bit too close for your comfort. They do not, however, typically engage in shoulder touching, backslapping, or hugging.
• Gestures: Avoid gestures like the "come here" curled-index-finger, and the "I don't know" shoulder-shrug, which are Western and often not understood by Chinese.
• Gifts: Guests are expected to give a gift to their Chinese host. It is helpful to bring an extra supply of wrapped gifts lest you be caught short-handed. A visiting group can give one large gift to the host organization or smaller mementos to individuals. Avoid gifts of excessive value or that are too personal. Try to find a gift that represents your home state, such as locally made products. As a fallback, many companies rely on gifts of nice crystal or company products such as pens or calendars that can be distributed to everyone. Gifts are not usually opened in front of the person giving the gift, so do not think it is rude if your host tosses your gift aside. You also may receive gifts from your Chinese hosts. Again, as a rule, do not open the gift in their presence, although in some cases the Chinese may make a show of doing so for you. Gifts are usually exchanged at the end of a banquet or meeting.